Product Review

THE SHOCKING USA TODAY BESTSELLER

You know what a celebutante is.
It's a Paris Hilton. A Kim Kardashian. Someone who's famous for existing. That's me, and in case you were wondering what it's like...trust me, it's the best shit ever.
I like coke and I like sex. I have the money to buy the first and the looks to get the second. No one needs to know where I am for days at a time and no one gives a fuck. That's just the way I like it.
You got issue with that?
Good.
Because you think I have problems, and I don't. A problem would be defined as some situation in my life I didn't arrange. Like having no money. That's a problem, and I don't have it. Like having a ton of sex I don't totally enjoy. Also not my problem.
Now that we understand each other, you and me, we understand that my life is exactly how I want it, and you don't have the right to hold me here. You can't keep me in a straightjacket and you can't put me in isolation. I'm too important. Too famous.
Right?
Right.
*MATURE AUDIENCES - I mean it. Don't come back to me with your therapy bills.