Product Review

For over a millennia, I've amassed an unimaginable fortune. But precious metals and rare gems cannot buy what I most desire -- a mate who will ensure I'm not the last of my kind.

So I created a company to manufacture and sell unique toys guaranteed to unleash every woman's inner beast. The toys are bait and the videos that buyers upload to the forums are a digital casting couch for the future Mrs. Morgan Stern.

The latest upload blows more than my mind as a big beauty conquers our largest toy, the one modeled after my anatomy.

The real kicker? My mate is closer to home than I ever could have dreamed.