Product Review

Listen up, my little turdballs!


A once-in-a-lifetime cast rocks the silver screen in director Gil Bettman’s masterpiece of cult cinema, Never Too Young To Die.


When a top secret agent (George Lazenby, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) is murdered, his estranged gymnast son Lance Stargrove (John Stamos, Full House) teams up with his dad’s seductive and deadly associate, Danja Deering (Vanity, The Last Dragon) to face his father’s killer… the fiendish mastermind Velvet Von Ragner (Gene Simmons, the fiendish mastermind behind Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame inductee KISS.) The hermaphroditic heel is hell-bent on a scheme to poison the city’s water supply: and it’s up to Stargrove to crush Velvet once and for all!


Never Too Young To Die also features Peter Kwong (Big Trouble In Little China), Robert Englund (A Nightmare On Elm Street, duh), and enough leather-clad, mohawked henchmen to fill a dozen Road Warrior knock-offs. You think you’ve seen it all? It’s never too late to see Never Too Young To Die!