Product Review

Sloth Dreams Patience Putty
My dad is Mr. Sloth; I'm the dude!
There are tons of people in this world that wear out your patience. The lady at the DMV named Gladys that can't print you a new driver's license, because you don't remember your third-grade teacher's name. That lazy dude at work who steals all your ideas. When your patience wears thin, it's time to Zen out and be like the mighty sloth. Sloth Dreams Patience Putty lets you squeeze and pull your stress out, so you can take on the day.
Do you ever wonder what sloths dream about? It's probably nothing energetic. They're dreaming about taking 15 hours to eat a leaf and the 4-day lovemaking session with that fetching mold-covered sloth two trees over. Do you ever see a sloth stressed out? There's no such thing as sloth-pattern baldness, because they are masters of Don't Give A #%$^.
If sloth is a sin, I'll take it Sloth Dreams Patience Putty puts all the emotional stability and sheer chill that every sloth represents and packages it into a cute collectible tin. Sloths don't have a hustle and bustle lifestyle like you do. Their lives consist of move here, nap, eat, nap, nap, move again, poop once a week. Sloths are the original stoners, and you can have that relaxed attitude with this stress putty. The only a way a sloth can be more mellow is if it were actually dead. Even then, it takes other sloths two weeks to figure it out.
People are frustrating. Children are annoying. Bosses are bossy. Your patience can only take so much. It's time to master your inner sloth, and let stress melt away with every push and pull of this magical putty. It's a fabulously chillaxing addition to care packages, gift baskets, birthday presents, and Christmas stocking stuffers.
FOR NOVELTY USE ONLY